Disclaimer: While researching this article I received a good amount of useful information from a post by trans creator/influencer, Schuyler Bailer (he/him). If after this article you are interested in seeing his content his instagram tag is @pinkmantaray 

With Trans Visibility day passing on March 31, I thought it would be an important time to write an article giving tips on how to be a better ally to those of us who have the utmost respect for the Trans and Nonbinary Community or for those of us who have relatives, friends, etc that we want to make sure are completely comfortable with the energy we provide for them. 

I want to start by saying happy trans day, week, month, and year. Every trans individual(especially trans POC) must know that they are important, they are NOT a mistake, they were born to inspire not only the people today but future generations to come. Trans and Nonbinary people are a perfect example of expressing who you truly are deep down and are also amazing voices to listen to when it comes to self-discovery and being true to yourself and who you are.

Language 

While it is important to listen to the empowering voices from the Trans community it is also important to take a look at your own words and learn the proper language to use when addressing trans and nonbinary individuals. If you are using the word “Transgender” you are using it as an adjective and not a noun or a verb. It is more respectful and grammatically correct to say, “He is transgender” and “He is a Transgender man” rather than saying “he is a transgender” or “he is transgendered.” When saying those sentences like that, it implies that something has happened to those who are Trans when that’s incredibly false. 

Another thing to remember is how to address explaining that someone has transitioned. It is better to say it like, “Before she transitioned”  “She transitioned last year” and “She transitioned.” Words like “transgendered” “changed genders” and “before he became a girl” are harmful not only to the person you are talking about but to the entire trans community, it implies that they were not the gender they are now at birth, which is false. Trans individuals were born the gender or identity that they assign themselves. Think of it this way, if a woman is trans, she was not born a man, she was born a woman, she is just now embracing herself and is comfortable in showing the world who she truly is in her heart and not who society labeled her to be.

Misconceptions and Harmful Conversations

It is important to differentiate the different identities and labels people use within the LGBTQIA+ community. That being said it is also important to know that being Trans does not mean someone is queer, someone’s gender identity and sexual orientation are two completely different things. So just because someone has transitioned that doesn’t mean they automatically are queer, it just means that they are part of the community. To provide further explanation, a trans woman is part of the community even if she identifies as straight because she is a minority that falls under the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, and if she does come out as queer then she will still be in the community because the LGBTQIA+ community is a mix of identity, gender, and sexuality. A lot of people think it is only for those who are queer but that’s false. 

When speaking of queer, trans, non-binary, etc it can often be quite confusing for someone who is not a part of the LGBTQIA+ community or they are but they are just new at understanding how to address everyone within the community in a respectful way. While mistakes can be made, it is so important to make sure you acknowledge that you have made a mistake when wrongly addressing someone. It is better to sincerely apologize and continue to work on addressing them by their correct pronouns and identity rather than to make a scene and make them feel worse than you have already. 

While on the topic of communication and respectful conversations, it is important to know that you should NEVER ask a trans individual about their private areas or any surgeries about them. It is not only uncomfortable for many but it is also extremely private and disrespectful to ask someone about something so personal. So unless that conversation is invited by the trans person themself, then don’t bring it up at all.

Pronouns

While I thought that I was doing everything I could to be a good ally to the trans community I had failed to look further into what using pronouns truly means for them. I didn’t see it as a big thing for me because I’m not a fan of labels and I felt that if I were to use display my pronouns that they would look as if I was trying to discredit those who go through so much just be addressed by their correct pronouns so I decided not to include them in my bios and other things. However, after seeing more information about pronouns, I now realize that they are really important and need to be normalized when introductions occur. 

When you use your pronouns in your bio for any social media app you help eliminate the idea that gender expression equals gender identity as well as create a safe space for trans and gender-nonconforming individuals to share their pronouns and be gendered correctly as well. Not only that but when you introduce yourself to others in person or online, it is important to say something like, “Hi my name is _____ and my pronouns are ____, what about you?” You can also display your pronouns in your email signature, your zoom handle and anywhere else you introduce yourself as well. It all comes down to creating a safe space for trans people to openly express themselves and to be addressed by their correct pronouns.

True Ally

While sometimes it may seem like we are helpless when it comes to helping our Trans friends and family from violence and discrimination, there are still a lot of things we can do to create a safer space for them.

You can educate yourself when you have questions regarding the LGBTQIA+ community because it is not the responsibility of the lgbtq+ person to educate you on everything. Do not expect your trans friend to be your trans dictionary and expect them to always be on full battery waiting to answer difficult questions that have to do with them. 

Not only should you educate yourself but others as well. It is crucial that as an ally to the trans community you stand up for them, engage in conversations with people who display bigoted behavior, and correct people who misgender trans people. It is better to conversate with someone and try to find the root of their transphobia and bigotry than to confront them about it, this creates peaceful energy and can even prevent them from causing trauma to a trans individual in the future. Being a true ally does not mean getting up on a stage and yelling for the people you are defending but it means to see them, praise them, and create a space for them in which they are 100% comfortable and never feel as if they are threatened or offended. Small things like gendering or naming someone correctly can be powerful as well. 

Trans Creators/ Influencers

You can also show your support to the trans community by following trans creators/influencers, especially trans POC who deserve bigger platforms. Here are a couple of trans creators who are a big voice to the community whether it be in activism or the media. I will include their Instagram handles as well. 

-Angelica Ross (she/her) ig: @angelicaross

-Elliot Page (he/him) ig: @elliotpage

-Hunter Schafer (she/her) ig: @hunterschafer

-Laverne Cox (she/her) ig: @lavernecox

-Dominique Jackson (she/her) ig: @dominiquet.a.r.jackson

-MJ Rodriguez (she/her) ig: @mjrodriguez7

-Elliot Fletcher (he/him) ig: @elliotfgf

-Nicole Maines (she/her) ig: @nicoleamaines

Remember To

I want to remind everyone who is not trans to remember everything you learned from others in the trans community and to continue working on your allyship to the community to create a safe space for those who are targeted heavily every day. Uplift trans voices, speak with them, and enhance their voice, do not speak over theirs. And remember to NEVER speak of anyone who is trans to others unless you are certain that that person is comfortable with others knowing and is completely out. If you are not cautious of this, it could end up threatening the life of a trans individual. It is for a trans person to decide who and how they reveal that information to. 

Lastly, to the trans community, I hope you are having an amazing day, you deserve the world and eternal peace. Remember that you matter, you are here for a purpose, and you do not owe anyone an explanation of who you are, it is up to you and only you, how you express yourself and who you allow to see it. I hope that this article can spread awareness and can provide a better understanding of the trans community. If there are any mistakes at all or things that I have missed in this article I would love to know how I can better myself as an ally to the trans community. Thank you.

Websites/Hotlines

-visit pinkmantaray.com/allyship  to learn more about being an ally to the trans community

-visit pinkmantaray.com/transbills to call or email the governments of states that are passing harmful bills against trans youth and the trans community in general, and demand they veto these bills. (there’s a template you can add your name to.)

-visit pinkmantaray.com/tday to receive more information about the trans community

-Trans Lifeline: (877)-565-8860 (for trans individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts or in a crisis) 

-Trevor Lifeline: (866)-488-7386 (for LGBT+ individuals in a crisis or having suicidal thoughts) 

-TrevorText: 679-678  (for LGBT+ individuals who experience anxiety and cannot make phone calls, there is a texting option) 

-To learn more about how you as a trans or queer individual can receive support go to thetrevorproject.org