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The Blue and White

The Blue and White

Homophobia’s Different Faces: Sexuality and Femininity


In the eyes of mine, a queer sixteen-year-old living in 2020, I’ve seen and have heard one too many disagreements, statements, videos, and comment sections that involved multiple forms of homophobia. And the sad fact is, I’ve only seen/experienced a fraction of the amount of hate other LGBTQ+ individuals receive.

Growing up, I was expected to get a girlfriend, to not play with “girl” toys, to not sing certain songs because they were “for girls,” or to not wear nail polish because it’s “gay.” Hearing all of that as a child hurt me because I never understood why the adults in my family would get angry with me for small things like how I talked, walked, or what music I listened to. It wasn’t until recently that I realized the energy I grew up in was severely toxic which resulted in me growing up without communicating, being confused, and made me feel like I had to hide my hobbies and interests or else I’d be ridiculed for it. 

As I entered my teenage years I had finally come to terms with my sexuality. As of now, I’m in a place where I’m comfortable with my sexuality enough to know that femininity, music, hobbies, and clothes have no gender and do not determine sexuality itself.  A lot of people like to generalize things and say that if someone wears or does something then that determines their sexuality and that is just close-minded and often symbolizes that they are too insecure to branch out and ignore gender roles.  

You can be a straight male and wear eyeliner,  paint your nails, and listen to “feminine” music. And just, in general, do the things you were told were “for girls” as a kid. The same goes for women. You can wear baggy clothes, have body hair, listen to “masculine” music and do anything you want because these things do not have any relation to your sexuality at all. Sexuality is who you are attracted to, not what music you listen to or what you wear.

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  • S

    Shay LambieFeb 18, 2021 at 12:47 pm

    This is such a great article! I as a wlw teen have felt the same way before. I had a grandparent who would throw fits over any masculine activity I did. Also the first time I heard the word “gay” it was my dad using it as a put down. Parents and other adults need to learn that hating their lgbt+ child doesn’t change their identity but only makes us resent them.

  • R

    Ryan BottsNov 13, 2020 at 9:51 am

    I feel this is very helpful in other people’s lives. Homophobia is a serious topic, and can come in different forms. There is no shame in what you wear, listen to, or do. There is also no shame in what gender you like, but with homophobic people, bad things can enter your mind, especially if it is your parents.